US security agencies to transport breathable air for Obama’s visit to Delhi for Republic Day
Apart from flying in vehicles, equipment, oil tankers, choppers and thousands of American security personnel, US security agencies have decided to transport air from the US for the President’s breathing needs during his stay in Delhi as the chief guest for India’s Republic Day celebrations.
The decision was taken after an advance team of US secret service agents who had landed in Delhi last week to oversee security preparations developed severe respiratory disorders after spending three days outdoors. “Three agents are suffering from severe asthma-like symptoms, two others are suffering from dizziness and cough, and one guy has slipped into a coma,” said a Secret Service Agent. “That’s when we realized that more than any terrorist strike, the Delhi air poses a serious security threat to POTUS.”
As per plans, 20,000 gallons of breathable air will be brought by an American Navy ship to the Mumbai port from where it will be transported to Delhi via a highly-guarded tanker. “President Obama will take his place beside President Pranab Mukherjee wearing a specially designed gas mask connected to a cylinder of American air, while Secret Service agents will take positions at specific vantage points around the VVIP enclosure armed with guns and Air Pollution Meters,” the Secret Service Agent added.
Needless to say, Indian security agencies aren’t happy with the mounting list of protocol modifications required of them by their US counterparts. “Kitna paka rahe hain yaar! [How much do they bug us!]” Grumbled a RAW official. “They want us to shut down half the city. They want us to stop all vehicular traffic on the Delhi-Agra Highway. They want Obama to travel in his own car instead of Pranabda’s car. And now this!”
A proposal by the US security team to supply clean breathable air to the entire VVIP box was shot down by the Indian security agencies. “Considering that most members in the VVIP box including President Pranab Mukherjee have spent decades in Delhi and possess lungs that have adapted to this environment, it is clean air that poses a security threat to their systems,” said a top ranking official.
Meanwhile, the King of Bhutan, His Majesty Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck, who has been closely following the developments in India vis-à-vis the Republic Day celebrations, has sent feelers to the Indian government that he’s still available should they get tired of the demands of US agencies. “His Majesty the King is low maintenance,” winked a spokesperson of the Bhutanese government.